Today, I Took Down The Crib

Rachel, my youngest baby, turns 3 in a few weeks. For the last few months, we have discussed what her big girl room would look like. We’ve tossed around all kinds of ideas from Minnie Mouse and Princesses to Lion Guard and Peppa Pig.

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A few nights ago, she was crying because she so badly wanted her big girl furniture in her room. No doubt, she wanted to catch up to big brother, Ris. I had to explain that we didn’t have all of the pieces and the time wasn’t right. Secretly, I prayed those last few pieces took a few extra weeks (or months) to arrive.  I wasn’t ready to give up my sweet little baby just yet.

That was a prayer that was left unanswered. Since then, the missing pieces had arrived. Sigh. Now is the time.

I untied all the little bows to remove the bumper. Actually, I was thanking the Lord I would not have to wrestle with that thing anymore!  As I untied every little bow, I remembered how delicately I tied them up in anticipation of my newest baby arriving.  I remember wondering what she would look like and how Risden would be as a big brother.

In this moment, more memories began to flood my mind. I remembered when she was just a newborn and would cry and cry because she didn’t want to nap, even though she could barely keep her little eyes open. When she got a little older, I remembered how she would hold onto the rails and learned to pull up. In no time, she went from a Bachelor’s in pulling up to a Master’s in bouncing.

Next, it was those sweet moments when she needed the entire Mickey Mouse Clubhouse gang to sleep with her every night. Or that time she argued with me and told me “she was not sleepy at all”. And just a few weeks ago, it was when I videoed her singing me “Happy Birthday” while she ran back and forth on the crib mattress.

I began to doubt. “Maybe the time isn’t right. Is she too little? I shouldn’t be crying?  Am I rushing her? If it was the right time, I would be okay with this. I’m not ready to do this. She will NEVER be this little again!”

I had to shake that off. As bittersweet as it is for me, my girl is so ready and so full of excitement about her big girl room.

While I’m excited too, I am also very sad. I know I will be fighting this battle my whole life. The battles where my kids are so eager to rush to the next stage in life while I smile on the outside. On the  inside, I just want to snuggle their tiny little baby bodies and rock them to sleep forever. I picture myself just like the mom in “I’ll Love You, Forever.”

I don’t know if I will have any more babies so I want to cling on to every baby moment Rachel has left. Everyone says the time just passes too quickly and I couldn’t agree more. I want to savor it all.

You know the saying, “babies don’t keep”? Neither do toddlers, little kids, tweens, teens, college kids, or young adults. I’m sure we’re glad *some* of those stages don’t keep but some of them don’t seem to last long enough.  Our children are constantly growing little by little each day and making moves to the next stage in life.

I’m beginning to learn with each passing phase I’m going to always feel that slight, “maybe the time isn’t right” but I think that comes with the territory. I know I will feel sad on one hand and excited and proud watching them grow up and achieve their goals. That just makes it all the more important to enjoy your child at every stage.

This past week I experienced a lot of “lasts.” It was last time I would push the pedal and let the rail down on that 45 year-old crib. It was the last morning I would walk into her room and see her pop her head up and grin at me between the crib slats. It was the last time I would watch her bounce on the mattress, just like she did when she was 10 months old. It was the last night I would walk in to her nursery and look over those rails and watch her sleep.

I know tomorrow I will start a whole new week of firsts but… today, I took down the crib.

What were some of your sweet memories of your baby’s room?