The One Thing Your Marriage Is Craving

Ok, we aren’t married *yet*, but the past few months, we’ve found our relationship has been severely neglected. We didn’t do this on purpose, but we’ve had SO much going on in such a short period of time… and our relationship was not the beneficiary. This past weekend, we chose each other over everything else. I quickly learned what was “missing” and what your marriage is craving in the hustle and bustle of life.

[ReviewDisclaimer]

Your relationship may be on the rocks, you may feel a bit “off” or you may feel more in love than ever. But I can guarantee you, EVERY marriage would benefit from this ONE easy thing. What is that you might ask? Keep reading.

Let me set the scene:

Demetrius and I finally planned a weekend (one night) getaway just for us. We set up the hotel, babysitter for Cam, packed our bags and decided to take her to breakfast before we left. Here’s what happened:

• Cam cried because she wanted soda and not apple juice
• She wanted to sit with Mommy.
• And then crawl under the table to sit with Daddy.
• She decided she wanted to eat my meal instead of her own.
• Then decided because she couldn’t put pepper on her pancakes, she wasn’t going to eat.
• Breakfast ends when she is found LICKING the screen of my phone, throwing it on the floor and busting out crying.

What a way to start our weekend, huh?

I took her to the car early while Demetrius paid the bill and she cried the entire way home. Luckily, it wasn’t long until her favorite babysitter came to save the day and we could leave the three-year-old alien with someone she absolutely loves for a night.

Deep breath. We hopped in our rental car and went on our way to Clearwater Beach, FL. It’s about a 3.5 hour drive from Jacksonville, which is pretty far for a one night but we were just happy to not hear begging for a happy meal or to change the tablet to a new show the entire ride.

Halfway through our trip, we realized we missed the exit and had to take a longer route. This slip up added about thirty minutes to our already far away destination. Normally, this would stress me out but honestly, I didn’t care. We were having such great conversation and enjoying each other’s company so much that we turned into Driving Miss Daisy without a GPS or a care in the world. It felt like we were back in college driving from Boone to Charlotte for a fun weekend, just throwing our bags in the car and hitting the road.

And that’s when it dawned on me:

What we were missing was each other’s full, undivided attention.

We even talked about how long it had been since we had traveled anywhere without our daughter.  And we honestly still can’t remember the last time we took a couples trip. We caught ourselves talking about our future, our budget (lol), how happy we were with some decisions we had made and lessons we’ve learned so far. Our goals were shared and we chatted about things we would like to accomplish this year and next. I mean, it was like we hadn’t seen each other in 6 months and we had so much to catch up on.

Although we haven’t been away, we never realized how much attention our daughter pulls from our relationship. We could finally focus on each other, no phones, no distractions, no kids.

Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE Cambria. We love being parents, we love watching her grow and learn new things everyday. There’s nothing better than waking up and finding she’s snuck into our room to cuddle and we love when she’s willing to give us kisses. She. Is. Loved. With that said, we also love each other and realized we are so quick to put OUR time aside to tend to her needs.

So there, I said it. I ditched my kid for the weekend to be with my man and I have no regrets.

When we arrived to Clearwater, we went straight to the mall. Then, we:

• noticed how quick we got in and out of stores without having to run to the bathroom or rummage for a snack
• walked to a restaurant and enjoyed a conversation over dinner together without distraction
• took a stroll out on the beach and admired the sunset and powdery soft sand
• drank champagne out of plastic coffee cups and watched fireworks from our balcony
• literally sat and stared around the room because we forgot what it felt like to truly relax.

And that my friends, is what your marriage is craving.

It’s simple: Attention.

It’s so easy these days to put everything before your spouse. I frequently feel guilty asking for help with Cam so I can spend time to myself and we REALLY never want to put someone out by asking them to watch her overnight so WE can go somewhere. We don’t have family in town so we really can’t dump her off on grandparents or aunts super easily. In fact, we were pretty hesitant on committing to our Friendcation to Cuba in May because we were unsure who we would get to watch her for four nights. This weekend made us realize we desperately need and deserve some time alone.

In a world obsessed with “self care”, I’m truly a new fan and advocate of “marriage care” and spending quality time with your spouse. It served us well this weekend and I’m so grateful we were able to take a trip together.

I challenge all of you, married or not, to put your phone down, turn the TV off, and give your spouse the time and attention they deserve and that your relationship craves. You don’t have to take a fancy trip to reconnect- a little pillow talk can go a long way.

Lastly, I need to publicly announce that after (almost) 9 years, Demetrius continues to put me first in every way. He’s never been Mr. Lovey-Dovey but he’s always been committed to our family, to me, and to never giving up on us. He’s still my person and still my bestest friend in this crazy world.

“Cheers” to many more weekends away and never feeling guilty about it. <3

What are some ways you reconnect with your spouse?