How My Birth Plan Changed

Pregnancy and delivery are truly remarkable feats. From start to finish, what a mother’s body must go through to grow a baby, and THEN what is capable of doing to bring a baby into this world, are absolute miracles.

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What I love most about discussing childbirth – second to the actual adorable, precious babies – is that every mother’s story is completely different.

In the weeks leading up until your due date, you’re flooded with emotions; nervousness, excitement, and anticipation about your baby making his/her grand entrance. You also have expectations. I just “knew” that my water was going to break a few weeks before my due date while I was at home hanging out with Drew… and that I would have a quick and smooth delivery.

That was the only scenario I could see happening.

Ignorance is bliss. I never thought I would reach 41 weeks, be induced, and end up with an emergency c-section. But that is my story, and I am so thankful for it!

Regardless of how your delivery story started, what details happened during the process, and what the last second of delivery looked like… we all ended up with the greatest gift – a baby.

C-section mamas are the exact same as vaginal delivery mamas. We all created a miracle, delivered them into this world, and did what was best for our baby!

I had no idea that Cesarean Awareness Month was even a thing!  But since it is, I would love to share my story.

Out of our Poms2Moms group, I am the only one who had a c-section. But out of my hometown girls, 3 out of 4 of us had c-sections.

My birth plan did not include a c-section. It actually never crossed my mind as a possibility. ( I don’t think it does for a lot of mamas). After receiving the awful Pitocin, and 20 hours of contractions with no progress, the doctors told me I needed to start preparing myself for a possible c-section.

I cried. I am not sure why, but I think with my emotions running wild, pure exhaustion, and just not knowing what to expect, it upset me. Honestly… it scared me too.

Luckily, my mom and mother-in law were in the room, both being c-section veterans, and assured me that everything would be okay.

My hospital support team, all waiting to meet Aubrey!

Another hour went by without any progress. When I was rolling to my side, we lost Aubrey’s heartbeat. At least 15 people rushed into the room and started putting things all over my belly and adjusting my position. After what felt like an hour (maybe 1 minute,) I heard that sweet little heartbeat beating strongly on the monitor. I lost it…we all did!

This was my first mom moment where I experienced an unfathomable amount of love for this little girl… and I had not even met her yet. Less than an hour later, we lost her heartbeat again and I immediately got prepped for a c-section. I could not have been more excited and ready for someone to cut me open! I was so ready to have my baby girl in my arms.

Since I had never considered a c-section, I had no idea what to mentally prepare for.

I didn’t know that I would be pumped full of medicine, that would make me shake uncontrollably and have overwhelming nausea. I didn’t know that I wasn’t going to be able to do skin-to-skin with my baby until after I was stitched back up. I wasn’t prepared for being so out of it that I couldn’t hold my sweet newborn. I wasn’t prepared for not being able to walk or lift anything for 12 hours.  I wasn’t prepared for the delay it causes in your milk coming in. I wasn’t prepared for the entire recovery process after.

Despite the lack of “preparation” and even awareness through this experience, what I do remember most is seeing Aubrey’s sweet face and hearing her first cry, and knowing that I did it!!

When I was preparing for the delivery of my second little girl, I had time to research and prepare. I looked into a VBAC and asked my doctors for their recommendations. My mindset was always to let my body do what it can do, and if a vaginal delivery wasn’t going to happen, then I was happy to schedule a c-section.

I remember at my 36 week appointment, my doctor checked everything out and said, “Sweetie, honestly you are one of the people we are thankful c-sections are a possibility for, because this baby isn’t going to come out on her own.”  So I picked her birthday and started to prepare for a repeat c-section.

I knew it was going to be different from the first, because I would not be going through 24 hours of contractions, all of the uncertainty, and having it classified as an “emergency” c-section. I researched a lot of stories about second c-sections, and everyone said it would be easier.

However, now in a different way, I was still terrified. I had all of this extra time to think about the surgery, all of the “what-ifs,” and count down the days (even seconds) that Aubrey was going to be my one and only baby. I was an emotional disaster those last few days.

When the nurses took me back for the spinal, Drew had to stay in the other room. I was shaking so hard I thought they had already given me the medicine, but they told me the shaking was from my nerves and that it was completely normal. Of course I was nervous! They were about to cut me open, take out my organs, and pull my baby out!

But in just 15 minutes from the start of the surgery, my sweet little Caroline was here! The hardest part this time was the recovery. Not only was I taking care of a newborn, but I was constantly having to tell my toddler that I couldn’t lay on the ground with her, that she couldn’t sit on me, or that I couldn’t pick her up.

I have read so many different articles and opinions on c-sections; while preparing for one and after having one. I do not feel like it was the “easy way out.” I feel like it was the only way out for my girls. I do not feel like I was cheated any experience or am less of a mother for it. I feel thankful that I am a mother and that it was the best option for me…and my precious girls are here because of it!

It doesn’t matter how your baby makes it into this world, all that matters is that they are here.  They made you a mom regardless of your delivery story, and all moms deserve to be celebrated, every single day!

What was your birth story? I would love to hear it, c-section or not!