Choosing Your Spouse

Whether your marriage is on point or it needs a little TLC… we all need to be reminded of certain principles to have a more enjoyable relationship. Marriage doesn’t just “happen”; you must be intentionally choosing your spouse every day.

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At the beginning of our marriage, Zach and I were part of a small group of young married couples. We went through several marriage studies to understand and develop our relationship. These were GREAT for the early years, when you set outrageous expectations for one another.

For example, I imagined that Zach would always fill up my gas tank… because that’s what I had been shown to me by my parents. In my mind, clearly Zach was responsible for that and NOT me. There were a number of these myths that got busted in those early months of marriage.

These studies are still important to us now and we both find ourselves revisiting the things we’ve learned so many years ago. Nothing like being in the middle of a heated argument then realizing we are on the “crazy train,” and one of us needs to jump off. Hmmm….now who will vanquish their pride and volunteer as tribute?

Marriage studies have been so valuable for me in becoming a wife. The points I’ve learned have really helped me come off the ledge at some point or encouraged me to give 100% in my marriage even when my selfish nature didn’t want to.

If you’re in trying marital times, or just generally want to “spread the love” more… today I thought I would share my favorite books that help remind me on how to INTENTIONALLY choose my spouse, over and over again:

1.) [amazon_textlink asin=’1591451876′ text=’Love and Respect‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’023eaede-5491-4cad-a523-a6ae0b75822b’]

This one definitely made the most impact on our relationship. Zach and I would find ourselves on the “crazy cycle” a lot in the beginning and the principle in this book made a big difference in helping us to prevent the crazy cycle and recognizing it for what it is.

[amazon_link asins=’1591451876′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’d38b5bbb-f585-4949-8e3f-0c36d46cf27c’]

2.) [amazon_textlink asin=’1415857318′ text=’The 5 Love Languages‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’c8ed1c2f-195c-47ea-896a-40b9966d1498′]

This book is awesome! I would show love to Zach by putting sweet words of encouragement in his lunch box – he did not respond most of the time – and I would ask him if he saw it. The response was, “Oh yea that was nice.”

Clearly not his language.

Since then I’ve found his love language but I’ve noticed that they aren’t the same as when we first got married. So this is a book I keep going back to. There is even one for [amazon_textlink asin=’1568653824′ text=’your kids‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’83a85519-0bc4-4b95-8a7e-1913d58861cf’]! So helpful!

[amazon_link asins=’1415857318′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’247426dc-ff0c-461c-a38b-5d9057c0b549′]

3.) [amazon_textlink asin=’0736957553′ text=’The Power Of A Praying Wife‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’ce2cb1d4-db27-43fe-8b6d-348b463dd1d2′]

I love this one because it’s a call to action! I have the journal and to go back and read the things I prayed for is just a reminder of how faithful God is. Prayer is one of the most important actions you can take in your marriage. There is also a version for [amazon_textlink asin=’0736957650′ text=’husbands‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’eec4e480-5ea4-4c7f-892c-53250f38f2d3′] and even one for [amazon_textlink asin=’0736957715′ text=’parenting‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’1c71d2fd-0474-40d9-8a50-5823f544c628′].

[amazon_link asins=’0736957499′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’649ff014-96d0-4404-a175-58db809a15d4′]

4.) [amazon_textlink asin=’1433679590′ text=’The Love Dare‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’d41a33bb-1605-4a7a-976e-1aaeec5baa1f’]

This one was inspired by the movie, [amazon_textlink asin=’B0026KS3XI’ text=’Fireproof‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’c7c43f3d-b1e8-45e6-9696-019df2218de3′]. If you haven’t seen that movie yet… plan to watch it with your spouse for the sweetest Valentine’s date in! We did the daily devotion book and I really liked that because it was a call to action. You had to do something every day to serve your spouse.

[amazon_link asins=’1433679590′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’e82fc8bd-1751-4236-980d-bf5919f8f965′]

5.) [amazon_textlink asin=’1602005133′ text=’The Art Of Marriage‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’fb3c00a6-01b6-440d-a01a-63dbd3b3e12f’]

This book really hones in on the different personalities you and your spouse brings in the relationship and how to blend them in a way to produce the best marriage possible.

[amazon_link asins=’1602005133′ template=’ProductCarousel’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’d6307e94-781f-486e-952b-cab064c70be6′]

There are many more of these studies out there!

I encourage you to find something that works for you and your spouse!  Even if your marriage is riding the gravy train, remember… it could be even better! Of any relationship to continually work on, your marriage is definitely the one that needs to be invested in often.

With that said, you can read all the books in the world to make your marriage work and do all the do’s but marriage is a choice. Love is a commitment and not a feeling. You have to be continually choosing your spouse and choosing to love them over and over each day.

Do YOU have any go-to books or studies that have had an impact on YOUR marriage? Please share them below!