Bickering Parents: How To Overcome Those Petty Arguments

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I never thought my husband and I would get here.”(Especially within the first couple years of marriage?) To be completely honest, I knew adding a bundle of joy to our family would come with added stress, pressure, and sleepless nights, but I didn’t expect Josh and I to bicker as much as we did within those first couple of months.

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Having a baby has been, by far, the most special and miraculous gift, but it did create a different dynamic in our marriage. I think we both took the utmost pride in caring for Mia, as we learned to navigate through the foggy beginning stages of parenting, all while trying not to rip each others’ heads off or keep track of every little annoyance. Has anyone else been there before?

When tension and frustration would rise in our home, we knew it was critical to focus on the following areas:

1.) Work together as a team.

God created Adam, and then he created Eve. We were created for partnership and to build one another up. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron,  so one person sharpens another.” When you work together, life is easier…and really, more fun. I feel like Josh and I have always been a great team – our own little dynamic duo – but actually working together and “sharpening” one another daily with true application was a goal that we wanted to achieve, and a pivotal point in our parenting.

2.) Encourage communication.

[amazon_textlink asin=’B000EPRH9S’ text=’Communication is key‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’bb376e8f-6daa-11e8-8cb8-f74025b446e3′] in any type of relationship – at work, in a marriage, with strangers, and especially when raising a little one. No one can read your mind, so you have to let your significant other/baby daddy KNOW how you’re feeling. Keeping things in will only leave you feeling upset, frustrated, and bitter. It’s okay to be open and vulnerable with one another.

3.) Choose your battles – aka – Accepting “Dad’s Way”.

As the mom, it’s hard not to be overly controlling. Many of us want things to be done in a perfect and efficient way. That’s why we were created for the Mom role. Dad’s aren’t wired the same way that we are. If your baby eats a few minutes off [amazon_textlink asin=’1932740139′ text=’schedule‘ template=’ProductLink’ store=’poms2moms-20′ marketplace=’US’ link_id=’d45ca7aa-6daa-11e8-a940-b39a18dd4bc5′], watches too much golf with Dad, or has a mismatched outfit on, does it really matter? If Dad helps out, but constantly gets nagged for how he does something, he’s eventually going to stop (I learned this the hard way). It’s much better to encourage and praise them for their help, instead of criticize, question, and eventually push away.

4.) Learn to laugh more.

Raising a child is probably one of life’s most important and challenging tasks, and raising him or her the best you can is even more crucial. Sometimes, we tend to take everything in life way too seriously. I love to laugh and have fun, but there were so many times when I would get so caught up in parenting; wanting everything to be done perfectly and correctly, it ultimately made things too task-oriented and not very enjoyable.

I mean, how great and refreshing is it to laugh? That hard, from the bottom of your belly type-of-laugh…especially with the one you love most? I’m speaking mainly to myself, but learning to laugh and enjoy the little things in life has made parenting, and our marriage, so much more fun.

5.) Enjoy time away.

So many mothers encourage date nights and weekend getaways, and it really is necessary. It’s important to get out of the house, as a couple, to enjoy quality time with one another. When Josh and I have date nights, it gives us the opportunity to have a mental break and to just be a fun, married couple…not Mommy and Daddy.

6.) See the positives and focus on the characteristics that you love about each other.

It’s important to choose to do this daily. When you’re constantly bickering, it’s hard to see the good qualities, isn’t it? The negatives will snowball out of control if you let them/it. It’s a hard task to do when you’re overwhelmed and stressed, but choosing to focus on your partner’s strengths will help you appreciate them and remember your desire for being with them in the first place.

Josh and I learned a lot during those first couple of months, and our marriage was definitely strengthened during the process. Luckily for everyone in our little family, we’re more comfortable, happy, calm, and “back to normal.” Parenting can be tough, but it’s so much more fun together, if you allow it to be. Choose to enjoy this exciting journey with the one you love!

What are some tools that have helped your marriage when you became new parents?