Hi, my name is Kaitlin and I’m just an okay stay at home mom.

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Yep!

I don’t always feed my kids organic.

Leftovers and freezer meals are my jam.

My kids totally watch TV… and their tablets… and my phone.

I don’t have an amazing activity planned every day.

I’m not confident that I’ve ever taught my kids anything academically-related.

My husband helps with 50% of our chores.

I have a cleaning person.

I’ve yelled at my kids. (Multiple times, just this morning.)

I *GASP* have secretly day-dreamt about my previous life as a career-lady because another hour of reality in my house will only advance my certain admission to the loony-bin.

And if, like work, my life at home was under a performance review… I’d say that all of these things have made me, or do make me, feel very average in my abilities as the “CEO of our house.”

I am an okay stay at home mom.

This is not intended to be a self-deprecating rant. And if you fit the mold described above, please know I’m not belittling your efforts, either.

Let’s get vulnerable for a minute.

Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs,) whether we like it or not, tend to be held to certain expectations. Those expectations may be placed on us by the outside world, but more likely, they’re driven by the self-imposed insecurities and impossibly high standards we’ve set for ourselves.

Why? Well…

1. We love our kids and naturally, we want to give them the moon and the stars.
2. We live in a time of impossible motherhood, where our parenting is so heavily scrutinized that every decision we make ends up damning us if we do, and damning us if we don’t.
3. We’re in this weird, subconscious competition with a wild interpretation of “perfect motherhood” that we relentlessly encounter over TV, the internet, and social media.

And it sucks… because instead of any of the above serving as inspirational, or encouraging, it makes us feel plain out BAD about ourselves. Bad – that you have served leftovers for the past 3 nights, bad – that you haven’t worn a bra with matching underwear since the early 2000s, bad – that you just got done yelling at your kids for throwing applesauce on the floor of your already-unkempt house.

We all, myself included, inevitably end up feeling like failures, because we have ONE JOB… and we’re… “just okay” at it.

Me trying to be “cute letter-board mom” … neglecting to spell my kid’s name correctly.

But instead of feeling “just okay,” over my past 8 months as a SAHM, I’ve worked on the next level up; becoming the “okayest.” 

Being the “World’s Okayest Stay At Home Mom” isn’t a glorification of mediocrity. We can ALL be better; I try to be a better mom every day. However, what IT IS, is an acceptance of your strengths AND weaknesses, particularly in tough moments. It’s the eradication of ugly mom guilt. It’s giving yourself grace. It’s coming to grips with the reality that this idea of “perfect motherhood” IS IN FACT, unattainable – but being the best version of yourself isn’t such a stretch.

If you’re working on becoming your “okayest” SAHM self, too, here a couple truths we need to come to terms with first:

Stop the comparison game; starting with social media.

Instagram moms are okay moms with a filter. (Probably Gingham.)

Really though, Claire, when did you have time to contour your cheekbones? How are you tan in January? Did your husband braid your hair? IN WHAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE ARE YOU ABLE TO WEAR A WHITE DRESS TO THE PARK WITH YOUR KIDS?

I have… SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

My point is, I think we all have an idea of what the picture perfect, has-her-shit-together-SAHM looks like… Because here’s Gingham-filtered Claire, and her 4 freakin-fabulously-dressed children frolicking on the beach at 11AM looking… absolutely unbelievable.

Producing this pretty “Claire” picture gave me such anxiety I legitimately haven’t tried to stage a planned photoshoot since. And yes, I used Gingham.

But that’s the only portion of Claire’s life that she shows us, so yeah, to chalk that up as her entire existence is a pretty wild assessment of reality; i.e. – unbelievable.

Comparison is the thief of joy. The biggest lie we tell ourselves isn’t necessarily that we AREN’T good at this whole stay at home mom thing; it’s that we aren’t as good as someone else.

Don’t give total strangers the power to make you feel less about yourself.

Your hair may not be washed, your children may look like untamed monkeys, but I DARE YOU to scroll through your OWN pictures, in your day-to-day life with your kids, and not smile. Those moments aren’t necessarily going to get a ton of likes, but if you and I actually saw ourselves through the most important filter—OUR KIDS—we might see that we’re living a pretty charmed life too.

Ahhh… much better.

Focus on quality over quantity.

I’m not sure I could explain this any better than I did the first time in our post on “10 Ways Moms Can Find Me Time.” (Point 4.)

“’I feel my best when I am super mom. There must be something chemical that happens in your body when you’re cooking awesome meals, doing arts and crafts, and taking your kids on outings, because I always feel like a rock-star on those days. Nothing beats loving your kids 110%. Yet, that life is unsustainable. And rather than be consumed by “mom guilt” that I am not doing it all, every day, I aim for quality, not quantity.

A couple weeks ago, I took my girls to the zoo.  I packed healthy lunches, let my 3-year-old “talk to” every animal there, and took a ton of pictures.

You know what I did the next day? I let that same 3-year-old watch 6 consecutive episodes of Peppa Pig and eat chicken nuggets while I did some hands-free baby-wearing with the 9-month-old and worked on a Pinterest project I’ve been dying to finish. Totally GUILT FREE.

The takeaway? It’s perfectly acceptable not to be “on,” all of the time. If you thrive on that life, then by now you know this post isn’t for you. 😉 But I would HARDLY expect that lifestyle of any of my amazing mom friends and I know they wouldn’t expect that of me.

Spend time doing things you love.

There’s a pretty good chance we’re not all hitting the all of the “pillars” of stay at home mommy-hood; cooking, cleaning, calculus lessons, yada yada yada…

For me – this was/is a constant internal battle that I wasn’t “teaching” my kids enough.

At the end of last school year, I had it SET in my mind that over summer break, I was going to teach Lilly to write her name. The time FLEW BY and before I knew it, we were a week away from starting pre-school and still… no name. Cue mom guilt. (I know y’all will want to cut me some slack here, but 3 out of 5 letters in “Lilly” are “L’s,” sooo… it’s not as if I was tasked with painting the Sistine Chapel.)

Anyway, one week of non-stop practice and MANY sheets of paper later, I sent her off to school with a newfound skill. While I was immensely proud of BOTH her and I, I didn’t necessarily have fun doing it.

That girl… isn’t me.

Why? Because I LOVE getting out of the house. I love the pool. I love parks and museums! And if we are at home, we actually read quite a bit, but I also love doing Disney Princess watercolors at our kitchen table and toddler yoga in our living room. We didn’t spend all summer learning quantum physics, but we were active, adventurous, and creative—and I’d be remiss to say that the kiddos DIDN’T learn something from that.

The message of this to me is that we all “think we know” what it means to be a SAHM, and we should absolutely challenge ourselves to step outside our comfort zones. But at the end of the day, if we think the first line of the SAHM job description is any more complex than loving the heck out of ourselves and our kids, we probably applied for the wrong position.

Do something for yourself.

Don’t forget you’re definitely only an okay stay at home mom if you actually want time apart from your precious children.

Just kidding. 

Lady, just because you aren’t working outside the home doesn’t mean you’re not working. YOU NEED TIME AWAY more than anybody! What would it do to someone’s sanity if he/she slaved away in a cubicle from 9 to 5… only to be FORCED to eat/workout/bathe/sleep in that SAME cubicle?

NO MA’AM!

But mom guilt is real. And because someone repeatedly told us either “You are SO lucky you don’t work,” or “I would kill to be in your shoes,” …we privately punish ourselves for occasionally wanting something more.

So if someone told you that the SAHM job description meant a totally selfless, 100%, 24/7 time commitment to your kids, you have my permission to tell them they’re wrong. And then go grab a drink with your girlfriends.

Embrace your okayest AND awesomest mom self.

(Somewhere, a grammar nerd just died inside.)

You may be an okay stay-at-home mom, but you’re probably an AWESOME mom-mom!

Remember all of the “okay” mom-things I was doing before we started on this long-winded narrative? I thought about them in greater detail, and made them AWESOME.

I don’t always feed my kids organic. -> I do it when it matters; I focus on fruits, veggies, and meat. And I’m selective, because I’m on the hunt for a good deal to maximize our household’s budget.

Leftovers and freezer meals are my jam. -> Yeah, this is because I do a damn good job of making most of our meals at home instead of going out to eat. (Pssst – Raise your hand when you’re KILLING IT, mom!) This is personally where I shine, so… GO ME! 🙂

My kids totally watch TV… and their tablets… and my phone. -> I believe my kids won’t live in a bubble. Media is part of the world we live in, and if I can use the things we watch to help talk to them about that world, then hey, screen time works for us.

I don’t have an amazing activity planned every day. -> I’m a parent, not an event planner. Conveniently, psychology experts tell me kids need to learn to deal with boredom and, duh, I deserve a break.

I’m not confident that I’ve ever taught my kids anything academically-related. -> FALSE! Lilly can write her name. Next!

My husband helps with 50% of our chores. -> He’s a grown man, and I’m proud – not lucky – he’s mine.

I have a cleaning person. -> I’m getting help so I’m not spending hours cleaning showers when I could be outside playing with my kids. Also, thanks iRobot, you’e the real MVP.

I’ve yelled at my kids. (Multiple times, just this morning.) ->I’m human.

Truth is, I’m telling you this today because many times… I’ve felt undeserving of the job I’ve been given. I didn’t necessarily want it, and I definitely don’t always feel good at it. Some days, I’m down-right defeated and have totally not adhered to any of the advice I just broadcasted into the world.

Ladies, being a perfect SAHM is never going to happen. But the truth is, even though I may only be an okay—or the OKAYEST—SAHM… I know that here in my house… I’m the only one for the job. I know I’m the BEST mom because no one could do the job I do for my kids… except for me.

But as for a SAHM, I’m feeling pretty good about being the okayest. 🙂

Photo cred: www.brittanyblakephotography.com

Where are my okay stay at home moms at? I’d love to hear your story!