7 Ways to Manage Your Very Manipula—-I Mean, “Opinionated” Toddler

Have you ever carried a screaming child out of Target? Or had a philosophical debate with an opinionated toddler about wearing pants? Or rocked yourself in a corner in the fetal position because your kid JUST. WON’T. EAT. DINNER?

No? Oh. Just asking for a friend…

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Let’s face it. Our toddlers have the capacity to fill our hearts with the purest, most unequivocal kind of love and in the blink of an eye, crush our spirit. It’s both impressive and infuriating. On any given day, new boundaries are being tested, new emotions are being realized.  It can leave you feeling like it’s “Mom – 0, Toddler – 43.” (Sometimes more for the opinionated toddler.)

The truth is, my husband David and I are constantly deceived at how old our little girl really is. She knows every word to every Disney song. She’s inquisitive. She’s caring. She’s really, really smart.

And she’s two. She’s lived in this world for about 900 days. She’s still getting a hold of this whole “life” thing. Doesn’t mean a tantrum doesn’t make you want to pop some prosecco at 10AM…

So, if you feel like you’d have an easier time negotiating a hostage situation than getting your little one to eat a green bean, here are seven tips that may help add some W’s to your win/loss record with your opinionated toddler.

7.  Blackmail those little rugrats –

Okay, this sounds harsh. But for the first 18 months of her life, Lilly was an excellent eater.  Fast-forward to today, we like fruit—but we really like carbs and chicken nuggets. (Insert face palm.) So when I offered her black beans the other night and was forcefully turned down, I got the bright idea to show her an old picture of how much she used to like black beans:

Result? Chic got some visual validation and ate her black beans.

6. Leverage their curiosity –

We wanted Lils to drink more water. Lils didn’t want to drink more water. But I know Lils is impressed by new things. Instead of giving her water in her normal (and favorite) Munchkin 360 cup, I let her drink out of a plastic water bottle for a couple days. Apparently, that was a real treat, and simply “changing the scenery” surrounding something she was rebelling led to a win for the both of us.

5. Model the desired behavior –

It’s true that children tend to model the behavior of their parents. I think this is especially true in the way our kids learn to speak to others, deal with tough situations, etc. But let’s be clear…. just because I’m wearing pants, doesn’t mean my kid also wants to wear pants.

For the most part though, I’ve found that Lils is much more apt to do something if Mom, Dad, baby sister, or hell—“Sleeping Beauty” also does it. For example, Lils needed to take some medicine. Lils didn’t want to take medicine.  I told her Princess Aurora is so beautiful, happy, and healthy because she takes her Zarbees Elderberry every day. You wouldn’t believe how fast that stuff went down…

4. Redirect the behavior –

This is a favorite of daycares and preschools. When I was evaluating part-time preschool programs, it was the answer to my question, “How do you handle conflict?” Redirection can be practiced in many different ways but the premise behind it is replacing unwanted behavior with one that is acceptable.

3. Make it “their” idea –  

I’m about one chapter into Parenting with Love and Logic. Pretty sure I’ll never finish. Not because it’s not a great book, but because I barely have enough time to just do the regular ol’ bare bones parenting—much less with love and logic.

I digress…

My understanding of the book is that by giving your kid choices, and not always “doing it for them” or “telling them what to do,” they grow up to be semi-functioning young adults. So when Lils wouldn’t eat dinner, we gave her a choice. “Would you like to eat dinner in your chair or eat on Mommy’s lap?” (Obviously she doesn’t want to eat dinner in her chair, or she’d already be doing it.) But by giving her the control to make a choice, we both ended up getting what we wanted.

So this ended up being how we ate dinner the other night:

By now, you might be noticing there’s a real power struggle in our household about getting things into Lils’ belly. You would be correct.

2.  Act like an idiot –  

This one is fun. When all else fails, let your kid show you how much smarter they are than you. (*Spoiler alert* – they already think they are.) If your kid won’t put on their coat, try to put their coat on you, the parent. Do it backwards. Put it on your head. Your kid will run to your rescue to show you how it is supposed to be done.

1. Pick your battles and just LOVE THEM –

We’ve been reading books to Lils (and now MJ) every night since they were born; usually 2-3 books per night. Around 18 months, Lils started to cherish our nightly ritual, and by 2 ½, she figured out how to use it against us—observing that more books = later bedtime. This led her to plead for “ONE MORE BOOK” after we already read TEN “one more books.” But you know what? If the worst thing that happened to me all day was my kid wanting to cuddle and read another story, (by the way if you’ve read this far, you KNOW that’s probably not the worst thing that happened to me all day,) then I don’t mind throwing an “L” in my column.

Y’all, they’re little once. Hold them, rock them. Use that special mommy touch that only you possess to walk them through this great big world. And give yourself a big ol high five for making it through the day and not appearing on the news.

How do you deal with toddler drama? This #whateverworksmom would love to hear your comments!