How To Manage Your Long Distance Relationship

Long distance is a familiar term to the Marren family.

Brad and I lived in separate cities for approximately 3 of our 7 married years.  Frankly, it was frustrating and painful at times – but surprisingly, there were huge benefits too.

For those families facing geographic separation, today I wanted to share 1.) the surprising perks to a LDR, as well as 2.) tips on how to manage.

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3 Ways a Long Distance Relationship is a Good Thing:

1.) Telephone conversations lead to a stronger relationship. 

You hear it all the time:  Communication is vital to a relationship.  I’ve noticed when I’m under the same roof as my significant other, we operate well together but the strong stream of conversation fades.  Rarely do we just sit down and talk, face-to-face, to each other, undistracted.

However, when your “together” time is over a telephone, it necessarily causes you to exchange thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I would hear a more in-depth review of Brad’s day and his assessment of it.  I could take the time to put more thought into my words when I was forced to communicate through only words, and not extra-expressive non-verbal communication.  While I value our current day-to-day routine, I miss the long conversations we used to share while living apart.

 2.) Your weekends are special occasions, and you make them count. 

Seeing your significant other after a period of separation is practically a holiday.  When you reunite, everything is special.  Obviously it’s fun and exciting, and helps grow special memories (even if it wasn’t the kindest on my waist line,)  but it also automatically highlighted what was worth our time and energy.  Fighting was not.

Brad doesn’t always ensure his dirty clothes make it to the hamper.  He operates this way whether we’re living separate, visiting for the weekend, or living together.  Recently, I’ve fussed and argued about it – sometimes ruining the whole morning.  However, when we were visiting, I didn’t quibble over the little things.  Laundry wouldn’t ruin our precious time together. I wish I would treat our every day like those special occasions again.

 3.) There is plenty of time for self-development while you’re alone. 

Planning for one is easy.  You can squeeze in an extra meeting, review one more article, coordinate your errands, and even take some time to stop for a pedicure.  When you block off the weekend for “couple time,” you tend to be more productive during the “you time.”  And once you’ve checked things off the “you time” list, you feel accomplished.  You’ve earned your time to focus on your person when you get to see them that weekend.  For those type-A psychos with whom I so strongly identify, this is truly a blessing.

Make Long Distance Work for You

1.) Plan trips in the middle – or pick a spot on the map. 

The commute to visit each other can be a drag.  When Brad and I were living 3 hours apart, the drive effectively prevented the use of an entire Friday afternoon.  So instead, a lot of times, we’d meet in Atlanta, GA or surrounding cities.  Doing so would cut the commute in half and we’d automatically have a city to explore together.  Happy hour at a random bar in a random city on any given Friday afternoon, after an industrious week, somehow serves up the most refreshing, delicious drinks you’ve ever tasted.

2.) Look for credit cards/other businesses that discount travel costs. 

We had a credit card that gave us points to use at a particular hotel.  During those weekend trips, we were usually able to get a free night at the hotel.  Granted, we earned those points on the cash and restaurant tabs we spent, but it was honestly so worth it.  I would leave those places feeling like I’d just taken a mini-vacation.

3.) Call your mom, sister, or long-lost-friend on the drive to see your person.

At first, I was irritated by the time I was wasting in the car.  Then I realized how many other conference calls I could make.  These calls were a good opportunity to catch up with the folks in your life that you probably wish you were able to spend more time with, but just are unable to make it happen.  The telephone conversation is special (for all the reasons mentioned above) and a chance to let those folks know they are on your mind.

Ultimately, you’re probably choosing long-distance for an important reason.  Keep the perspective that, while it is certainly difficult, long distance can offer some valuable strength to your relationship.  I hope you have a similar experience as I did, and you’ll be able to look back on it one day with delight when you consider the depth you added to your life-long relationships.